Any musical number that starts with the lyrics ‘The state of Florida has asked us to/Disclose our sexual crimes to you’ has got to be funny and worth watching right? That’s what I thought and I wasn’t disappointed. It is the year 1988. A cop from Miami-Dade County police introduces this handful of sex offenders by saying that they have been obliged by the law to tell the public about their misdemeanors. The sex offenders look hilariously bad – they have appalling moustaches, some wear neck braces, others wear bright orange track suits. They can barely dance, putting feet wrong every second and their rap skills leave a lot to be desired.

They state that what they are doing is the ‘Sex Offender Shuffle’

Then we get little fact files of each individual criminal and their ‘criminal record’ if you know what I mean. Each one then does a little solo rap, explaining a little about themselves and how they got to be in trouble. One criminal couldn’t ski until December, because until then he’s a sex offender. Just as the orange-clad criminal is about to tell us all about what he snuck into a bathroom and did, the very eighties video footage screws up and we don’t get to hear about it, which is probably lucky for him. The cheesiness really amps up when a sax player joins them, the sex offender shuffle starting to sound almost New Romantic.

Maybe most of the New Romantic bands were sex offenders, who knows? The only woman criminal in the group entertains us with a rap that features the lyrics, ‘You won’t find me in your child’s play set/’Cos I gotta wear this ankle bracelet’. The last guy doesn’t even rap, he just proclaims his innocence, saying he has been the victim of an extortion plot by his wife who was the only witness to the supposed crime. He is soon stopped in his tracks by a cop wielding a shotgun and gets back to dong a half-hearted rap as badly as all the others. You have to watch the clip all the way through because when the guitar solo kicks in, you get to see some real bad dancing from these funky sex offenders.

It seems like the perfect night: being invited to jump into the hot tub with some gorgeous ladies. But halfway through this pleasurable evening, the water starts to turn a suspicious shade of brown. The guy shouts (aptly) ‘Holy s***’ and the evening is somewhat ruined. Everyone leaps out in horror, leaving the guilty party behind to atone for her error. What’s amazing about this clip is the sheer volume of the nasty brown stuff.

It comes hard and fast, replacing the bubbles

Of the hot tub with something you don’t want to be bathing in if you can at all help it. The shocked reaction of the hot tub guests is priceless – they really don’t see it coming and are truly horrified by this nasty turn of events. Perhaps they will be scarred forever, doomed to suffer repetitive nightmares for years to come, dreaming of situations ruined by such accident-droppings: weddings, funerals, proms and so on. This clip is only short but it delivers an instant laugh that’ll come right from your belly – which was the body part that gave this poor girl such a problem. What could she have been eating? Baked beans? Chilli con carne? Something rich and eggy? Spicy Indian or Mexican food?

Perhaps we shouldn’t dwell on it too long

Especially if we are about to sit down to a meal ourselves. All we can say is that this actress – if that’s what she was – probably did not follow the script she’d been given and no doubt had to deal with the embarrassment of her accident on set for the rest of the filming of that show or movie or whatever it might have been. We can imagine the kind of ribbing she received from her fellow cast crew members: “When you gotta go, you gotta go!” “Better out than in!” “Dropping some friends off at the hot tub again, baby?” Who knows, maybe she went on to great things after this, acting in such classics as Apoohcalypse Now, One From the Fart, One Poohed Over the Cuckpooh’s Nest and Dropping Miss Daisy.

This is a quite unique and remarkable piece of footage, something you don’t see every day. At a busy Indian train station, a disturbed man climbs onto the roof of a train and touches the overhanging live wires. You don’t have to be Thomas Edison to guess what happens next. He is enveloped by two big explosions and turned completely soot-black. His corpse then falls to the floor smoking profusely. As you’d expect, the crowd at the station turn and run as soon as the first explosion happens.

The sheer size of the explosions are quite surprising.

Almost like those caused by mortar bombs. After they occur, the man lies smoking and bleeding down the edges of the train for the rest of the clip as the general public mill around uncertain what to do or where to go. Presumably no one goes to offer help for fear of being electrocuted when touching his body. Also, it is quite clear that the man is dead after such an ordeal, so that would probably stop people bothering to go to him. The odd thing is he sits quietly and contentedly on the roof of the train for the first half of the clip and then seems to stand up and touch the wire almost on a whim, just to see what happens.

The blurb on YouTube states that the man is ‘mentally unstable’

Indeed he must have been to get up on that roof without thinking through the consequences. Indian trains are renowned for their busy and frenzied nature and accidents of this kind are almost bound to happen when you consider that it is quite normal for people to ride long distances sat on the roof. Before this man goes up in the explosions, other potential commuters explore the space available but soon back of when they see this pour soul reaching higher and higher until he touches those deadly wires. These too are a part of the landscape of India, hanging dangerously low in busy parts of cities. Monkeys regularly suffer the same fate because they obviously like to jump high and climb about.

If you find animals hilarious and animals doing very unpleasant things even more hilarious, then look no further than this clip. This will make you laugh till you’re, well, sick! (And that’s a little clue as to what happens later). At first we see the plucky little love rat – or dog – mount his black and white-colored girlfriend to the sounds of the Sugarhill Gang’s ‘Apache’ in which the command ‘Get on it!’ is repeated.

Tongue wagging and expression of ecstasy on his squashed little face.

Fido Love Dog takes her up to heaven and back – but he isn’t so impressed with her performance because he ends up being horribly sick all over the sidewalk. She has the good sense to walk off, leaving him to his mess, but guess what he goes and does then? Look away now if you have a weak stomach… He starts eating his own sick! I’ll repeat that: HE STARTS EATING HIS OWN SICK. Sick eh? In both senses of the word. Maybe we’re being unfair on the poor lad, maybe he enjoyed his ride with Girl Dog and her love making skills aren’t open to question. He might have eaten a suspect dog biscuit moments before the clip began or been fed chocolate by a child who didn’t know better. Whatever the reason behind his crazy behavior, someone has immortalized him on YouTube and he is bound to enjoy a certain kind of fame out of it. Perhaps he’ll become a celebrity, get rich, get his own TV show.

Perhaps one day he’ll be throwing up champagne and caviar and foie gras

Altogether a higher class of puke. He might get to be sick all over his own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame or blow chunks live at Superbowl halftime, accompanied by Bruce Springsteen and Justin Timberlake. The world might embrace him and request that he perform his party trick on the Great Wall of China, up the Eiffel Tower or on the roof of Buckingham Palace. In this internet age who knows?