Made You Stare » 15 Plus

Amusing Reason to Use Condoms

Stewie — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 17:48:16 +0000

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Amongst all the condom joke commercials there have been, this has to be pretty highly ranked: watch this crazy kid smash a supermarket up and lie on his back howling before the killer punchline is delivered. You know from the start there’s gonna be a whole lotta trouble as the sour-faced little brat moodily dumps items into the shopping trolley while Dad (who looks a lot like a young Boris Becker) watches with sheer misery. Then brat features starts demanding sweets at the top of his voice. Dad tells him to be quiet but this is just like a red rag to a bull, the kid losing his mind and firstly pulling and pushing the trolley then doing a demolition job on the various items for sale. As the annoying little brat lies on the floor yowling like a cat with its “*&^ stuck in a mangle, the advice ‘Use condoms’ underlines Dad’s pained expression. According to You Tube, this clip was banned but I find that hard to understand. There are no rude or lewd goings-on just maybe a bit of ironic anti-child sentiment which might have been enough to get it stopped from being broadcast in certain liberal European countries who knows? The extra laughs here are added by the other customers in the supermarket who look on with incredulity at the way this terrible brat is acting up – like some feverish junky in need of a hit. They say that sugar is quite an addictive and destructive substance and overdoses of it used to make me hyperactive as a kiddy that’s for sure. The worst thing that the dad in this commercial could have done is give in to his son’s bullying and got him the sweets. As condom jokes go, this has to be up there with that classic piece of graffiti that was famous in the UK in the 1970s. In a public restroom just above a condom machine some wit had written ‘This is the worst chewing gum I have ever tasted’. Heh heh, those contraceptive devices will always have a whole heap of comic mileage from now until the end of time.

German Kid Loses It With His Computer Game

Ross — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 16:39:07 +0000

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Someone should have told the poor kid in this clip that Unreal Tournament is just a game and that you shouldn’t try to replicate what happens in it in your own bedroom. This is 4 and a half minutes of wailing, smashing, desk-sweeping, computer-assaulting and general all-round frustration which would be tragic if it wasn’t so goddamn funny. The root of this tetchy German kid’s annoyance is the fact that his game won’t load fast enough – what a terrible thing! It’s not like he’s going hungry or sleeping rough or anything like that. The camera angle in this sequence is great: we get to see this kid up close and personal as his face gets redder and he starts to say and do more and more hilarious stuff. The funniest thing has to be his curious demand that the computer should ‘eat its melted shit’. It takes quite a lot of imagination to work out how precisely that would happen but never mind. The English subtitles translating this German kid’s poisonous words are very helpful and we get a real glimpse into the sheer range of colorful Teutonic swear words that exist. It must be the case that this kid will grow up to be one of those anger-fuelled old men with permanently sour faces who rant about everything from the weather to their granddaughter’s boyfriend to the sports results. Even when this kid gets the computer game working he doesn’t cool down, breathlessly, almost worriedly asking ‘Which son of a bitch is shooting at me?” before losing the game at the very last minute of the clip and wailing like a banshee who’s just seen his entire family killed in a freak accident. He moves gear up into a horrible Mike Patton-style squeal and begins beating the £$*& out of his keyboard against the desk, its buttons flying every which way. Where are his parents while all this is going on? Somehow the kid’s announcement that ‘I don’t want to wait I want to play!’ at the 1 minute mark seems to sum up his whole generation.

Happy Slapper’s Revenge When They Really Deserve It!

Lisa — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 17:01:24 +0000

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In Britain at the moment there is a nasty trend called ‘happy slapping’ in which (usually) bored teenagers video themselves on cell phone cameras randomly attacking members of the public. This clip shows how funny it is when the happy slapper picks on someone that won’t knuckle under and take it. Watch these cowards suffer some serious combos at the hands of someone who – far from happy slapping – has definitely had some boxing or martial arts training. The clip begins with two soon-to-be slappers seemingly in discussion about who their next target should be. A young couple walk past and one of the slappers lashes out at the female – can you believe that? That’s not funny, it’s terrible. What is funny is that her track suited boyfriend is out for revenge. He immediately lands some sucker punches on the faces and chests of these happy slappers, flooring the first one in several seconds before knocking the other one on to the pathway while the first gets up and tries to scram. Mr Track Suit only gives up when his girlfriend – the original victim – shouts at him to leave these happy slapping losers alone. I wonder what on earth would have happened to them had Mr Track Suit been allowed to finish them off. This might have become the first fatality recorded as a result of happy slapping, and ironically the happy slapper would have been the victim! So the slappers are left not particularly happy – and unlikely to reoffend without being a bit more careful about who they take their anger out on. Obviously the person filming the fracas was on the side of the happy slappers but he (or she – let’s not be sexist about who is sick enough to film this stuff!) must have thought he was on to comedy gold when the happy slapping didn’t go to plan and Mr Track Suit got violent, because, as you can see, he kept recording and now this clip is up there for posterity as both a warning to all potential happy slappers and sheer entertainment for those who aren’t.

Lewd, Crude and Dumb Drunk Behavior

Stewie — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 21:09:48 +0000

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Anyone who’s ever had a drink knows how it works. You start showing off, thinking you can do much more than you actually can and before you know it, you’re bashing your head against the wall, getting straws stuck up your nose and generally making a &^*((%% of yourself. The champagne moment in this clip is a rotund guy who starts eyeing up the camera in a sexy (as he perceived it at the time anyway) way before completely losing it and collapsing upside down over a sofa. The amazing thing is that he hangs on to his little paper cup of drink all the way. A man who looks like an extra from the original 1970s Starsky and Hutch – replete with big moustache and even bigger shades – dances backwards along a hallway until he smacks his head against the wall. The look of shock on his face after all the drink-fuelled merriment is just hilarious. He is immediately followed by a quite horrific site: an obese guy dancing so vigorously that his man-breasts are wobbling. He goes on like this for a little while, no doubt drawing looks of disbelief from the public. He is dancing perilously close to the edge of a swimming pool but this clip doesn’t show him falling in. I’d bet that in reality he certainly did fall in because he looked to be hardly in control of his faculties if you know what I mean? A man – they’re all men here but why given that women can make fools of themselves just as well after a drink? – watering his garden slips up in the moisture he has created and the hose, still streaming, gets stuck between his thighs in a perfect punchline. However, this is the only sequence in the clip that looks a little staged to me – still quite side-splitting though. The grand finale is a quite ludicrous human pile-up where an attempted group hug results in three or four people climbing onto each other and falling through a porch fence.

Someone Dropped An Accident in the Hot Tub!

Stewie — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 16:39:58 +0000

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It seems like the perfect night: being invited to jump into the hot tub with some gorgeous ladies. But halfway through this pleasurable evening, the water starts to turn a suspicious shade of brown. The guy shouts (aptly) ‘Holy s***’ and the evening is somewhat ruined. Everyone leaps out in horror, leaving the guilty party behind to atone for her error. What’s amazing about this clip is the sheer volume of the nasty brown stuff. It comes hard and fast, replacing the bubbles of the hot tub with something you don’t want to be bathing in if you can at all help it. The shocked reaction of the hot tub guests is priceless – they really don’t see it coming and are truly horrified by this nasty turn of events. Perhaps they will be scarred forever, doomed to suffer repetitive nightmares for years to come, dreaming of situations ruined by such accident-droppings: weddings, funerals, proms and so on. This clip is only short but it delivers an instant laugh that’ll come right from your belly – which was the body part that gave this poor girl such a problem. What could she have been eating? Baked beans? Chilli con carne? Something rich and eggy? Spicy Indian or Mexican food? Perhaps we shouldn’t dwell on it too long, especially if we are about to sit down to a meal ourselves. All we can say is that this actress – if that’s what she was – probably did not follow the script she’d been given and no doubt had to deal with the embarrassment of her accident on set for the rest of the filming of that show or movie or whatever it might have been. We can imagine the kind of ribbing she received from her fellow cast crew members: “When you gotta go, you gotta go!” “Better out than in!” “Dropping some friends off at the hot tub again, baby?” Who knows, maybe she went on to great things after this, acting in such classics as Apoohcalypse Now, One From the Fart, One Poohed Over the Cuckpooh’s Nest and Dropping Miss Daisy.

Midget Thai Boxers Go Ape in the Ring

Stewie — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 01:07:53 +0000

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Being small doesn’t mean you can’t be tough, as Napoleon and this clip prove. Two midget boxers, no taller than four feet deliver some kick-ass moves, slamming each other into the ropes, kneeing each other in the groin and grabbing each other by the throat. Even though both boxers are midgets, the one in the red shorts clearly has a height advantage over the other – perhaps he really belongs in another weight category? But that doesn’t mean the smaller of the two can’t punch above his height and his weight, ultimately knocking his opponent out at the end with a stunning 7 punch combo. The boxer in the red shorts shouldn’t feel too aggrieved though because he lands a few kicks that sends his antagonist literally flying backwards several feet! The audience appear to be sat at a bar drinking. Maybe some of them thought they’d overdone it and were hallucinating when these two midget fighters entered the ring. It’s clearly a popular pastime as there are plenty of spectators and photo flashes going off. And there’s no shortage of inventive moves to record: at near the 2 minute mark, the smaller boxer does a magnificent handstand and then kicks his opponent in the face, creating a side-splitting moment that wouldn’t be out of place in the silent movies of Keaton or Chaplin. But the move also has a strategic effect, sending the taller boxer painfully onto the floor with a nasty wince on his face. If the way these small guys fight is funny, then their haircuts are equally so. The one in blue has a kind of skinhead with a dreadlocked pony tail leading down the back. Maybe this is a psychological tactic to make his opponent laugh so much that he is unable to put up too much of a defense. It’s certainly a novel idea and one that was perhaps taken on by pretty much any sportsman around in the 1970s – THE decade of bad hair. Anyway, despite the hardcore attitude, these boxers seem pretty sportsmanlike and friendly. Maybe someday they will be really ‘big’. Heh heh.

Dog Overindulges in a Really ‘Sick’ Way

Ross — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 13:50:54 +0000

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If you find animals hilarious and animals doing very unpleasant things even more hilarious, then look no further than this clip. This will make you laugh till you’re, well, sick! (And that’s a little clue as to what happens later). At first we see the plucky little love rat – or dog – mount his black and white-colored girlfriend to the sounds of the Sugarhill Gang’s ‘Apache’ in which the command ‘Get on it!’ is repeated. Tongue wagging and expression of ecstasy on his squashed little face, Fido Love Dog takes her up to heaven and back – but he isn’t so impressed with her performance because he ends up being horribly sick all over the sidewalk. She has the good sense to walk off, leaving him to his mess, but guess what he goes and does then? Look away now if you have a weak stomach… He starts eating his own sick! I’ll repeat that: HE STARTS EATING HIS OWN SICK. Sick eh? In both senses of the word. Maybe we’re being unfair on the poor lad, maybe he enjoyed his ride with Girl Dog and her love making skills aren’t open to question. He might have eaten a suspect dog biscuit moments before the clip began or been fed chocolate by a child who didn’t know better. Whatever the reason behind his crazy behavior, someone has immortalized him on YouTube and he is bound to enjoy a certain kind of fame out of it. Perhaps he’ll become a celebrity, get rich, get his own TV show. Perhaps one day he’ll be throwing up champagne and caviar and foie gras – altogether a higher class of puke. He might get to be sick all over his own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame or blow chunks live at Superbowl halftime, accompanied by Bruce Springsteen and Justin Timberlake. The world might embrace him and request that he perform his party trick on the Great Wall of China, up the Eiffel Tower or on the roof of Buckingham Palace. In this internet age who knows?

Sick But Funny Soccer Injuries

Stewie — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 19:47:53 +0000

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Is your idea of humor watching highly-paid professional sportsmen behave like animals, kicking, punching, spitting and falling around the place like drunks? Would you be the kind of person who would laugh rather than cry when he fast forwards to the 2 minutes 50 seconds mark to watch the piece de resistance – goalkeeper Dida getting hit by a firecracker thrown by a crowd member during a European Champions League game? If the answer is yes then you’ve come to the right place! The days of fair play and sportsmanship are truly over and the evidence lies in this clip gathered from what some people call football matches and others call soccer games around the world. Most crazy of all is the crowd trouble segment towards the end, where policemen in what looks like a South American stadium bundle a pitch invader to the ground only to receive a flying kick in the head by one of the players involved in the game! We then move from the sublime to the ridiculous when a soccer player in white does some neat little tricks, is dispossessed of the ball by a player in green before the whole thing descends into a mass brawl between both teams, eventually embroiling the black-clad stewards hanging out on the periphery. The incident gets so out of hand that the barrier separating the crowd from the pitch is smashed flat by the stampede of naughty soccer players, officials and God knows who else who is now involved. Schadenfreude, the German term for enjoying other people’s misfortune, certainly applies to this clip. A blue-clad soccer player tries a nifty little back-heel trip only to slip up and horribly injure himself. A player taking a penalty kick completely messes it up and hardly touches the ball much less slam it past the goalkeeper. A particularly muddy goal mouth results in a ball getting stuck when instead it should have gone right in to the goal no problem. If you like soccer or even if you don’t and you just enjoy watching people make £$%^s of themselves, check this link out pronto!

Necrophilic mouse wanted for having sex with the dead!

Stewie — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 23:20:17 +0000

Police have released pictures of a mouse wanted for performing necrophilia on certain animals in the Herefordshire area. The pictures, presumably taken by an accomplice to the mouse were described by a criminal psychologist as ‘an evil and disturbing way for the mouse to both gloat about the crimes he has committed and to also keep as a memento to his sexual depravity’.

Police were given a lead into the case last weekend when the mouse struck again only to find that the badger he was humping wasn’t in fact dead and was just sleeping. The police hope to question the badger after they are treated for shock.